Is Pain Evil?

     Why cant we just hurt.  Is pain always bad?  Is heartace, grief and sorrow evil?  Why do we run from it?  Hide it away.  Push it down.  Our hearts were meant to love.  To feel.  To express.  To exchange. Period.  It is unable to chose which to experience, pleasure or pain, excitement or sorrow.  Our hearts were created to experience it all.
   
     Why don't we trust the creator of our hearts to know that we can handle and process pain in the same glorious way we do pleasure. We never question his presence in the euphoria, but we deny his omnipresence in the deep, deep abys of our sorrws.  Instead of trusting and beleiving his promise to NEVER LEAVE US, we opt for things that bring more sorrow and regret. Things like denial, addictions and emotional forms of self medicating.  We believe that these things lessen our pain but in actuality they make the suffering worse.  These innate forms of coping prolong the healing process. They muddy the healing waters of growth and understanding sinking us deeper into anger, confusion and hardness of heart. Let your heart do its job and filter the pain. Let it separate truth from lie, good from evil, wisdom from foolishness. Let it teach you who your God really is and show you what he's truely capable of. There's a beauty in the pain when we give it to The Master.  Bring him all of your pain.  All of your mistakes.  All of your regrets.  All of your disappointment and brokenness.  He will refine them in the fire of his love for you and leave you with only that which will cause you to thrive.
   
     As difficult as this time of pain may be for you, for me, there is a happy ending.  There is always the other side for the children of God.  Just like the promise to be with us in the valley he also promises to take us to the mountain top.  Our suffering is not the whole of the story it is just a part.  There is healing to be given.  Peace to be found.  Joy to be kept and happiness to experience.  Sometimes the darkness of our sorrows can blind us of these wonderful truths.  We can not let our current circumstance allow us to forget that God is our rescue.  He knows our troubles and he has made provision for us to be victorious, not matter what.  We will always have victory in Jesus, whether it be in this life or the next.  This is why we can have joy even in our darkest, most painful times in our lives.  I can testify to this truth personally.  I have been a born again christian for almost 20 years and I have never experienced more joy and intimacy with the Lord as I did when I lost my Hailey Anne Marie.  Her diagnosis was a death sentence and her deformations were server.  We knew of her condition since my first trimester putting us in a living breathing nightmare of a pregnancy.  Every moment with her depend our love for her, while ever doctors visit brought more and more bad news.  It seemed like every other baby was growing healthier and stronger but our little girl was getting weaker and sicker.  But with every tear shed, God was there.  With every shaking fist to the sky, God was there.  With every cry for mercy, God was there.  With every sleepless night God, was there and with every offer to end my daughters life with the poor logic that she wasn't going to make it anyway, God was there.

     You see the doctors and healthcare professionals wanted to spare us the pain, the sorrow, the suffering of losing a child.  They wanted to stop our pain and maybe theres as well.  It coud'nt be easy to see us month after month with the same bad news, "your daughter is going to die".  But if we allowed them to "alleviate" our pain we would have never ever been able to experience the wonderful, beautiful, joy of hearing her first cry.  Seeing her beautiful face.  Holding her warm, soft, tiny frame close to my beating heart.  If I would have listened to the innate part of me that said suffering is bad, do away with it, I would have never been able to experience the beautiful, masterpiece which is my Hailey Anne Marie.  I would have lost all the precious, valuable, life changing time I had with her.  Did putting a child in the ground destroy me?  YES!  But the reality of knowing her and loving her combined with the memories of holding her and hearing her little cries fill me with more joy than sorrow.  More great fullness than bitterness.  More hopefulness than despair.  For grief has been my teacher.  It  has taught me to love deeper, to never take people for granted, tomorrow is not promised and that ALL human life is precious.  No matter how small, weak or feeble it may be.

     Loving and losing my Hailey has made me a different person.  A better person.  No doubt about it.  So if you find yourself in the midst of sorrow and pain I encourage you to trust the process.  Don't ignore it.  Don't push it down.  Don't self medicate.  Bring all to the Lord and let him work it out for your good.  It may seem like 'cranes in the sky' now but take it from someone who knows a little about pain.  It will get better, if you let it.

                                                                                                                   -Sarabeth