"Flat Hair" Broke My Heart
My son said something to us a few weeks ago that just broke our hearts. We were in the car on the way to the studio when he called out to me and said, "Mommy I don't like my curly hair. I wish I had flat hair like daddy". My husband and I looked at each other with broken hearts and a sense of sorrow. "What do you mean LT, why don't you like your curly hair? It's beautiful. This is the way God made you, your perfect.", we said. "I know but I still don't like it. Cut it off!", he exclaimed. My son wants to exchange his big, beautiful, curly hair for, "flat hair", meaning straight hair. What in the world am I going to do? My one and only son. My first born. My beautiful, precious, little, 5 year old, prince was beginning to show signs of insecurity. I was shocked, angry and most of all broken hearted. Why would my baby want to alter his, what was to us, PERFECT appearence. What happened? What changed? Who has he been speaking to? Did someone make fun of him? Did someone say something negative about curly hair? My mind began to race and my heart continued to sink. I, who's life's banner is, "Love yourself for who you are. Why, because God has made you MARVELOUS", has a son who is feeling not so marvelous. Did I fail as a mom? Are we not teaching or living what we believe as parents? Maybe I need to do a bible study on how God made us to look exactly as we are for a grand purpose by design. All in all my son's short stint with insecurity made me feel like a failure.
As someone who suffered from many insecurities, most steaming form childhood, I have chosen to take a proactive approach in praising my children. I don't wait for the opportunity to present itself I regularly tell my children how great and special they are. I thought that if I loved my children enough and told them how beautiful and special they were everyday that they would never have a sense of, 'I'm not enough" or that 'something is wrong with me'. As a biracial couple we are very conscience about what messages on race, skin tone and ethnicity our children come into contact with. Whether it be television shows, toys, books, people and even news coverage. I guess you can say that we are a politically conscience family, in a senses that we know what the Bible teaches and we try our best to vote in a manner which patterns our faith (as difficult as that may be). Therefore the issues of race, hair type, skin tone and body image are all topics we discuss with care and respect in our home. So for our son to say that he doesn't like a part of his appearance directly connected to his biracial background it sent several red flags flying through the air for my husband and I.
After we ceased from our internal panicking, my husband and I decided it would be best to continue to encourage our son to love himself as he is and to let the Lord do the rest in his little heart. But like any other mother I continued to stress and worry about my son's brush with insecurity. And as I talked to the Lord about it over the course of the next few days he revealed something grand to me. A revelation that broke my heart just as much as my sons "flat hair" comment. We, as adults, on a regular basis complain about our hair, our facial features, our body type, our lack of talent and intelligence as well. We buy into the lie that we are not good enough and need to be or look like someone else. We too are breaking our heavenly Father's heart. The love and adoration that I have for my three perfect and beautiful children, is the same love, but magnified by infinity, that God has for us, his children. Oh, the years I've wasted wishing to look like or be like someone else when I could have taken him by his word when he said, I was his masterpiece. The apple of his eye. His predestined. His chosen one. The peace we forfit. The joy that's robbed. The callings not yet fulfilled because of these deep, deep insecurities we carry based on the lies of our past, people, culture, fashion magazines and music videos. Created by people who governed slave ships, sit in boardrooms, govern the nations and stand at pulpits from the pit of hell. If you think for one minute that your oppressor has a specific race, culture or religion you are sadly mistaken. Your oppressor is Satan himself. If you really want to destroy racism, colorism, sexism, classism or any other -ism, you must first turn your eyes from the lies to the truth.
God created each and everyone of us in HIS image. He purposely created diversity and variety. God is God. Don't you think that if he wanted to make clones of a "perfect person" He could have? But in his matchless wisdom he chose not to. Instead he created a universe full of varying beauty delighting his very own heart. How do I know that God delights in your physical appearance and in mine? I know because he said so. "You brought my inner parts into being; you wove me in my mother's womb. I will praise you, for you made me with fear and wonder; marvelous are your works, and you know me completely. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in secret, and intricately put together ..."(Psalms 139:13-15). God created each and everyone of us with precision. You were meant, for a divine purpose, to look exactly as you do. Your personality, intelligence, quirks, likes, dislikes, dreams and desires were all specifically designed to be the beautiful masterpiece that is you. So the next time you look into the mirror instead of criticizing yourself for not being someone else, thank God for making you unique and with a divine purpose because we are all truly marvelous. But don't take my word for it, take God's.
-Sarabeth
As someone who suffered from many insecurities, most steaming form childhood, I have chosen to take a proactive approach in praising my children. I don't wait for the opportunity to present itself I regularly tell my children how great and special they are. I thought that if I loved my children enough and told them how beautiful and special they were everyday that they would never have a sense of, 'I'm not enough" or that 'something is wrong with me'. As a biracial couple we are very conscience about what messages on race, skin tone and ethnicity our children come into contact with. Whether it be television shows, toys, books, people and even news coverage. I guess you can say that we are a politically conscience family, in a senses that we know what the Bible teaches and we try our best to vote in a manner which patterns our faith (as difficult as that may be). Therefore the issues of race, hair type, skin tone and body image are all topics we discuss with care and respect in our home. So for our son to say that he doesn't like a part of his appearance directly connected to his biracial background it sent several red flags flying through the air for my husband and I.
After we ceased from our internal panicking, my husband and I decided it would be best to continue to encourage our son to love himself as he is and to let the Lord do the rest in his little heart. But like any other mother I continued to stress and worry about my son's brush with insecurity. And as I talked to the Lord about it over the course of the next few days he revealed something grand to me. A revelation that broke my heart just as much as my sons "flat hair" comment. We, as adults, on a regular basis complain about our hair, our facial features, our body type, our lack of talent and intelligence as well. We buy into the lie that we are not good enough and need to be or look like someone else. We too are breaking our heavenly Father's heart. The love and adoration that I have for my three perfect and beautiful children, is the same love, but magnified by infinity, that God has for us, his children. Oh, the years I've wasted wishing to look like or be like someone else when I could have taken him by his word when he said, I was his masterpiece. The apple of his eye. His predestined. His chosen one. The peace we forfit. The joy that's robbed. The callings not yet fulfilled because of these deep, deep insecurities we carry based on the lies of our past, people, culture, fashion magazines and music videos. Created by people who governed slave ships, sit in boardrooms, govern the nations and stand at pulpits from the pit of hell. If you think for one minute that your oppressor has a specific race, culture or religion you are sadly mistaken. Your oppressor is Satan himself. If you really want to destroy racism, colorism, sexism, classism or any other -ism, you must first turn your eyes from the lies to the truth.
God created each and everyone of us in HIS image. He purposely created diversity and variety. God is God. Don't you think that if he wanted to make clones of a "perfect person" He could have? But in his matchless wisdom he chose not to. Instead he created a universe full of varying beauty delighting his very own heart. How do I know that God delights in your physical appearance and in mine? I know because he said so. "You brought my inner parts into being; you wove me in my mother's womb. I will praise you, for you made me with fear and wonder; marvelous are your works, and you know me completely. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in secret, and intricately put together ..."(Psalms 139:13-15). God created each and everyone of us with precision. You were meant, for a divine purpose, to look exactly as you do. Your personality, intelligence, quirks, likes, dislikes, dreams and desires were all specifically designed to be the beautiful masterpiece that is you. So the next time you look into the mirror instead of criticizing yourself for not being someone else, thank God for making you unique and with a divine purpose because we are all truly marvelous. But don't take my word for it, take God's.
-Sarabeth
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